Beyond Borders: Five Years Later

They seem to be common place in TV shows and movies, story timelines that flash forward to "today". We put things on hold in our lives. We write chapters for books we never finish and we'll always have a room in our house that never gets cleaned out, filled with treasures from our past.

I've blogged on and off for close to 10 years. I was blogging when blogging had just been introduced to the world. It was a way to put my thoughts in order when we were embarking on a monumental journey to parenthood. It helped me gain clarity when faced with medical issues and job loss. Blogging provided a fun platform to write about my daughter Amanda, who always had a lot to say. I'm not sure if I expected my little collection of thoughts and quibbles to go anywhere or reach anyone in particular, but having them now makes me realize how far we've come and that obstacles have their own timeline and work themselves out eventually.

My last entry was five years ago. I was working from home on freelance projects and interviewing for full-time positions. I had recently been released from my job at Borders in Ann Arbor, which was a huge relief. Not everyone gets the opportunity to rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic, especially when the ship has already sunk. I had no idea how bad things were there before accepting the position. I had been seduced by a really cool IKEA decorated office and the e-commerce rock star, who was also brought in for this "special project.". On my first day, I learned the hiring manager was leaving and I was forced to watch at least 100 people exit the building who were laid off. I felt terrible. These people included many who had worked there for years, yet they hired me as Merchandising Manager for Borders.com in hopes the e-commerce division would save the company and some of the hundreds of stores.

I remember at one point, another outside contractor told me that I needed to step up and have a big win here. Seriously? This was a big box book company that was being swallowed up by Amazon.com. And they were counting on me? I'm good, but no one could save them. That's when I knew it was over. I also had two young women working for me who had their whole lives in front of them and they were miserable human beings. They were workplace bullies.  I never wrote about this, but my boss was also a bully. He would belittle me in meetings with other staff members present and look at me with contempt, when he didn't like the online sales numbers for the previous day. At times I just wanted to grab his shoulders and shake him into reality. You're going out of business! He ended up letting me go over the phone, just after Christmas. He even said, "You didn't do anything wrong, we're getting near the end." My 7 months of torment was finally over. I was looking for an image of Borders and found their obituary. I am truly sad their stores are gone. I also know it wasn't up to me to save them!

Let's flash forward to yesterday and what led me back to this abandoned blog. Rob and I went to the county courthouse to update our freelance business name, Freeman Computer Services. He asked me if we should register "Amanda Says," so we would have it to match the URL and Facebook account that was set up years ago. We hoped Amanda would take the name over someday and do her own writing and sharing. Only a mom in online marketing would think of creating a brand for their kid! Currently, she's writing a YA (Young Adult) romance story on her Watt pad app. We'll see what happens.

It may take me a few entries to catch up on five years or I may do more flashbacks while staying in the present. Right now, I'm facing a change in my full-time work, which is another reason to blog again. This will become part of my creative portfolio that companies are now asking for during the interview process. I'm not looking at this time in my life as starting over again, but instead a reboot. It's time to get centered. We are all so much more than the work we do from 9-5.